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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Did you catch the travel bug along with the stomach bug in Mexico?  If you’re addicted to travel, I’m sorry to say, there’s no cure. It’s like heroin. You’ll need more and more just to feel normal. That’s the good news. The bad news is that others around you might not be so enthusiastic about your obsession as you are.

Corfu

Signs you’re a travel addict:

  • You read guidebooks for fun
  • Your friends flee when they see you coming, because…
  • …you begin every sentence with, “I remember one time in…”
  • You become offended when someone thinks Aussies actually drink Fosters
  • Your passport is with you at all times, just in case.
  • You feel strange not wearing flip flops in the shower
  • A room full of twenty drunk snoring people no longer fazes you
  • After more than a month without traveling, you get the shakes
  • While websurfing, you find yourself on a travel site 10 times out of ten, with no memory of how you got there
  • The vast majority of your Facebook friends live across the world
  • Your bookcase is half-filled with beat up travel guides. The other half has Bill Bryson.
  • When entering public bathrooms, you automatically do a scan for the possible places a flusher could be hiding, and another scan for the person trying to charge you to use the toilet.
  • There are at least twenty euros in your wallet at all times. Just in case. (See passport.)
  • When people ask what your hobbies are, you can’t say a sentence not containing the word travel.
  • You have detailed critiques of the world’s major airlines and judge them by the quality of their in-flight food.
  • You wake up in the morning and you can’t remember where you are.
  • You’re talking to somebody and you can’t remember what country you’re in or what the last country was
  • Kebabs.
  • A hostel shower big enough to turn around in is enough to make your entire day better
  • And…
  • You spend hours every day daydreaming about trips you’ll never take, trips you’ve taken, and people you’ve met on the road.  Doing almost any daily activity (laundry, driving, listening to music) can give you a flashback to a random moment on the road.
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“It’s no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase, “pretty as an airport” appear.”

~Douglas Adams

Almost everyone has flown at least once in their lives. The first time or two is exciting.  But when you do it a lot, there are certain things that just become obnoxious–and I’m not talking about airport security.

1.) The person in front of you in the security checkpoint line that takes years to remove their jacket, clean out their pockets, undo their briefcase, take out their laptop, take off their shoes, and then load everything appropriately into the bins.

No, I don’t care how much stuff you’ve got, have it all ready to toss in the bins when you get to the conveyor belt.  It’s not really that difficult.  Most people manage it.  Why are you flying again?

2.) The person who sits near you on the flight and complains incessantly about everything.

When you get offered, “chicken or beef,” those are your options.  No, the flight attendant does not know where this chicken was slaughtered and what its living conditions were like. No, there are no seats with more legroom. No, you are not any more special than any of the other people shoved into cattle class.  Yes, those are the only movies on offer.  No, if you wanted the vegetarian option you should have requested so BEFORE you got on the flight. Yes, the seats are cramped.  Yes, this is a seven-hour flight. I hope you get deep-vein thrombosis and die on the flight. At least then you would provide me with some mild entertainment.  If you wanted better conditions, you should have upgraded to first class.

3.) The person who sits next to you and then tries to convert you to Christianity/Tupperware/Disneyland.

Guess what? I really don’t care. You’re annoying.  And if I sense what your mission is before I’ve spoken, I might just pretend I don’t speak English.

4.) Ryanair.

I just hate Ryanair. With a passion. They should be bombed off the face of the planet.

Ryanair logo

Ryanair's new logo.

5.) Homeland Security–TSA

In no country that I’ve ever been in has airport security been so insane as in the United States.  I know, 9/11 and then that attempted bombing over Christmas, but let’s face it guys: you are NEVER going to be able to stop 100% of the people who are determined to hijack a plane for whatever nefarious reason.  Even if you really went gung-ho on this, the bad guys will find ways to get past security.  But the thing is, it’s just security theater.  I’ve taken contraband items through security before and haven’t been caught. (Oh no! A bottle of liquid over 100 ml!)  The “enhanced” security is just there to make the mass of sheep-like citizens feel more secure, much like lock-down drills in public schools that appeared after the Columbine tragedy.

Guess what. It doesn’t make me feel safer, it just takes up more of my time and irritates me. I might even enjoy flying if it wasn’t for insane Homeland Security and the TSA…

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Street I stayed off of

A typical winter day in Budapest.

You know you’ve lived in Hungary for awhile when you start laughing at these–but you know they’re true.  Thanks to the Kesident for pointing this out on his blog. I met Kes in Budapest over the holidays.  He’d recently moved there permanently. Why? Because Budapest is awesome.

Even if you’ve never been to Hungary you’ll probably find this amusing and intriguing:

You Know You’re Hungarian When…

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